Whether as a result of death or divorce, suddenly becoming a single parent can be hard and very challenging. You will likely feel overwhelmed often by how much you have to do to take care of your kid(s) and yourself. While it is no small feat, knowing what you’re likely to face will help you cope with the challenges ahead, allow you do the best you can for your kids, and most importantly, help you enjoy the full rewards that come from raising your kid(s).
Contents
- 1You’ll Become the Sole Provider
- 2Emotional Turmoil
- 3Raise the Kids, Discipline Them and Provide Guidance
- 4You’ll Have a Tighter Schedule
- About the author: Oscar King is a pediatric counselor who often works with children struggling with recent parental separations, death, and divorce. For those parents pending divorce, he often recommends the Law Office of Peggy-Cruz Townsend for sound, compassionate legal advice. You can find more example’s of Oscar’s work on Google+.
1You’ll Become the Sole Provider
If you have been doing this in the past, it won’t be a major shift, but if you were dependent on your spouse in the past, becoming a single parent might force you to become the main provider for the family. Furthermore, even if you weren’t solely dependent on your spouse in the past, the sudden loss of that alternative source of income can prove taxing even in the short term.
If you’re getting some sort of child and spousal support, that will surely help relieve the financial burden. But unlike the past where your spouse was around and could attend to daily needs and unforeseen expenses, you will now be solely responsible for planning things out and adapting to any changes.
2Emotional Turmoil
Even if your former spouse is still alive, there is no denying the difference between somebody always being there but no longer loving them and their sudden absence. It is natural to feel a sense of loss and some measure of loneliness after divorce, and even more understandable after death. Perhaps it isn’t loneliness, perhaps there are other emotions coming into the fore that you didn’t expect, what’s important is to remember that regardless of what you’re feeling: it’s normal.
This fact is especially important to remember with regards to the children: they will also feel that sense of loss along with a wide range of other emotions, and it is important to make sure they understand that it’s okay to let it out. One of the most important things to do is make sure that the children understand it’s not their fault that mommy or daddy isn’t around anymore. This is important not just in cases of divorce, but also in cases of death – watch for signs that they may be blaming themselves. Remember that they are likely going through the same emotional roller-coaster that you are right now.
3Raise the Kids, Discipline Them and Provide Guidance
Now more than ever, you’ll need to take on the role of two parents. This is not an easy task even when you have shared child custody with your ex-wife or ex-husband. You need to know how to multitask and teach them the difference between right and wrong without necessarily damaging them or losing them. Essentially, you will need to be everything to every one of them. You’ll need to be their father, their mother, their friend, their coach, their motivator, their provider, their protector. While it’s true you always needed to make sure these various needs were met as they came up, you no longer have the option to delegate on those areas you previously weren’t so sure of yourself on.
4You’ll Have a Tighter Schedule
Now that you’re a single parent, your schedule is bound to get even more jam-packed. You probably won’t have nearly as much (if any) free time. Unlike in the past where you and your ex or late spouse shared the responsibility of picking them up from and dropping them off at school, preparing their meals, getting them ready for school, plays and other events, you’ll need to go it alone. You might want to get a reputable nanny to take care of some of these things so you don’t get overwhelmed.
The truth is while being a single parent will be very demanding, it is doable. There are lots of successful single parents who are able to manage both their family lives and careers successfully without letting either one suffer. If you need help, look for a local single parents support group in your local area and join. You may not like everyone there, but you’ll find one or two individuals that you’ll be able to bond with and learn from. We’re rooting for you and want you to succeed at this, so let us know if you need some help, advice or moral support.