All celebrities these days have an entourage the size of a small English village, with each person assigned to a specific task: one to pick up clothes, one to remove screaming fans, one to clean up trashed hotel rooms, one to dust. Imagine if you were the only person in charge of all of these duties. Some would be great to work for, I’m sure, but the majority of them? No thanks. It’s hard enough keeping a fussy housemate pleased, let alone a diva that’s had 5 minutes of fame and suddenly thinks the world revolves around him.
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1 Justin Bieber
The kid himself is kept so tightly under lock and key it’s doubtful he could make a mess even if he wanted to, but you’ll be vacuuming up teenage girls for at least a week after he’s left the building. Add to that the fact you’ll probably get death-threats and/or be assassinated due to the fact you’ve shared his breathing space, or picked up a plate he’s eaten off, it’s probably not worth the extra security you’ll have to hire.
2 Chris Brown
You probably won’t need to tidy up much after this ‘musician’, most likely due to the fact the area will be cordoned off as a crime scene, and the police will want to dust the room for fingerprints. If he does manage to control his temper, you’ll want to watch out that you don’t move anything; it’s not as if he’s averse to severely injuring people (regardless of gender).
3 Lady Gaga
The eccentric singer-songwriter is more likely to order pizza for fans waiting outside her hotel than she is to trash any rooms, but the sheer amount of glitter, feathers, body-paint, make-up and hair spray would be a bit like trying to tidy up Neverland in the morning. Lady Gaga may be notorious for the demands she makes of her staff, but working for her would never be dull.
4 The Only Way is Essex Cast
Fake tan + anything clean = nightmare.
5 One Direction
If you have a teenage son/brother/housemate, you’ll know exactly how messy they can be (I’m 99% certain the ‘dead’ family rabbit is actually living in my younger brother’s room). Multiply that one boy by five and you’ll have a (pretty horrific) idea of the kind of mess these boys could be capable of. With a fanbase equalling Bieber’s in terms of crazy-levels, you’ll be facing the same trouble as you were with the boy-wonder.
6 Mario Balotelli
It wouldn’t be much fun cleaning up scorched ceilings after impromptu firework displays, and the remnants of car crashes left in the wake of this footballer – but probably even less fun to be cleaning up his PR messes. You’d also end up having to help the poor boy get dressed; he hasn’t quite grasped it just yet. However, the amount of time he spends getting sent off means you won’t have to worry too much about muddy boots.
7 The Jolie-Pitts
Six children to tidy up afterwards. No thank you. I’d much rather be helping Jennifer Aniston out (is it really bitter to still be Team Jen?).
8 Charlie Sheen
Personally, I’d prefer to clean up after a real tiger, than an arrogant actor claiming to be full of big-cat blood. Having been banned from several high-profile hotels in New York City, Sheen’s reputation certainly precedes him, and not unfairly. The ex-Two and a Half Men star caused over $7,000 worth of damage at the Plaza Hotel after a drink and drugs binge in 2010 – something that isn’t a one off. Hand me a dead sheep and shovel inside a tiger pen any day.
9 The Royal Family
Not only do they live in a palace with about a trillion rooms, they have horses, dogs and constant visitors. Though your charges themselves will no doubt be politer than necessary (if you even get to see them), the idea of finishing off at Buckingham, then moving onto Windsor, then Sandringham could prove to be slightly too much for the average person. And can you even IMAGINE the amount of confetti that was scattered all over London after the wedding.
10 Ryan Gosling
Just kidding. Who wouldn’t want to tidy up after Mr Gosling?